Coping With Low Confidence

I have seen so many people on my social media channels that are struggling with self esteem and confidence recently, it is not just with influencers who put themselves on the internet, but people in general and I can 100% relate to them.

I for one am conscious about a lot of things in my life and it’s not just every once in a while, it is all the time. We live in a world that sometimes feels like there is a lot of judgement, maybe hate, bitchiness and constant guides on how we should live, from what is healthy to eat, new ways to exercise and there seems to be a lot of skinny and fat shaming.

It’s very hard but I try not to get sucked into these things but with it being on the internet and plastered all over magazines and newspapers, it can be difficult to escape and does have an impact on my life and mood. I am constantly comparing myself to others and always doubting myself in every aspect of my life which again is so wrong and unhealthy. 

At the end of the day all you need to do is live a life that is suitable for yourself, if you are happy then that is the main thing. Do not live your life for other people, do what you want to do!!

As I’m extremely close to turning 25, I wanted to take a look back and see where my lack of confidence and self esteem started. 

It all stems back to high school, don’t get me wrong I enjoyed my time at school, had a fantastic support network and group of friends all of which I am still close to nine years on. But there were certain aspects of my time which I would love to have changed at the time; I was always the geeky quiet one who kept herself to herself, didn’t wear make up and was once of the tallest in my group for a long time which did make me feel like a beast. I hated it so, so much, why did I have to have an early growth spurt?

One of the earliest memories for me where I had “inspiration” in changing myself and that was when I watched Gossip Girl. I desperately wanted to be like them, live their life without all those scandals, craziness and dramas but have their fashion, beauty and general lifestyle. I loved the edgier vibes from Serena and Jenny and I always took pictures to the hairdresser so I could have the exact same style as them, I felt that I could be a little accepted more and felt so grown up even though I was only around 14/15.

Then make-up happened, very little I may add, but a bit of concealer, pink blush from Natural Cosmetics and a lot of black eye liner and mascara. How I got away with my eyes like that at school is beyond me but somehow I did.

Did I need to change myself to try and fit in, no not at all! It didn’t change my group of friends at school; it made very little impact on my life apart from making me feel a tiny bit happier in myself.

I truly felt more comfortable in my skin around three years later when I went to university, I’d lost a little bit of weight and that was purely for health reasons (my time at college was spent eating my weight in cookies and doughnuts) and found my own sense of style which I didn’t feel the need to worry about, I never compared myself to others or worried about what they thought of me, after all a big chunk was spent in pjs or on a lecture full of guys. 

Towards the back end of second year I started to feel self conscious again, maybe because I had started a new relationship and I wanted to show off my best self all the time which isn’t natural. I also got caught up in the world of watching reality TV, one show in particular; Made in Chelsea! Again the naivety got the better of me, I remember sitting there in my pjs, hair scraped back eating chocolate whilst having a glass of wine and sobbing to my boyfriend because I didn’t have that flawless look or impeccable fashion sense. Or in reality, I didn’t have a filter constantly on a lense following me around everywhere, a make up artist and hair stylist sorting me out every hour of the day.  

Now we move onto where I got into blogging, as you will discover I started Little Talks to get myself out of a bit of a rut but unfortunately we have had a vicious circle and blogging has started to affect my self esteem.

Third year was hell, absolute torture and I struggled so much in writing my dissertation. I must have rung my mum crying every single day, she used to set me around two or three tasks to do and then I would ring her back to go through it all before being set more tasks.  She had a patience of a saint back then!! My boyfriend had left uni and got himself a full time job as he was in the year above me and I was an hour away from all my friends and family. Plus I worked behind the SU Bar on all the big nights to fund my shopping habits so I missed out on the social life- on the up side, never had to deal with a hangover, instead I had to wipe up everyone’s puke around 3/4am. Oh the joys!

I started to blog to clear my head space and give me a bit of a hobby; I loved going to take a camera and tripod out of the media department for the weekend to take pictures of lots of different looks and beauty products. I loved it, I never felt judged, I could be so creative and feel free blogging was not as big of a community as it was now so everything was drama free! 

Fast forward four years and I’m still in love with blogging as I was when I first started, the community has grown and despite the drama, 99% of the blogosphere are lovely and so supportive. But now I suffer with low self esteem after comparing myself constantly to others; this goes from style to their relationship amongst one another and brands to the look of their blog and YouTube channel.

It isn’t a case of feeling threatened at all, I love to see everyone doing so well and at times I feel very inspired but I always feel like I am one step behind. I create a piece of content that I am so proud of and then maybe a couple of days later or even a few hours and I see another wonderful blogger putting out their latest post or video and I always feel a little crappy as it’s so much more creative than mine.

 Does anyone else ever feel like this? Deep down I know I am being ridiculous, everyone is different the world would not be the same if everyone lived their life the exact same way! How do people snap out of this or will it constantly be there?

Alice xxx